Jake

Hailing from Bradenton, Florida, Jake somehow grew up surrounded by Gulf Coast sunshine and still pledged lifelong loyalty to the New England Patriots, a fandom built on championships, smug confidence, and the occasional reminder that “six rings doesn’t just disappear.” When it’s not football season, he’s just as committed to the Boston Red Sox, proudly living in the past and arguing with anyone who dares mention payroll or recent records.

​

Now entering his third year in the league, Jake is still searching for his first playoff appearance, a fact he insists is merely a “statistical anomaly.” Each season begins with big confidence, a draft he swears he crushed, and at least one move that immediately has everyone else asking, “what is he cooking?”

​

Jake brings elite trash talk, championship energy from another era, and the unwavering belief that success is inevitable—even if the standings strongly disagree. The playoff drought won’t last forever… according to Jake.